How I Met The Goddess
This text describes a personal visionary experience that culminated my long-term artistic inquiry deeper into knowledge and the Divine Feminine. It is included here as contextual background for my work. There came a moment when all known boundaries dissolved — the veil lifted, and I found myself kneeling before a presence whose vastness held the silence of stars and the depth of oceans. In that sacred stillness, I met The Goddess — not as a distant concept, but as the beating, breathing essence of all that is.
In “Meeting the Goddess,” I share a visionary journey through kundalini awakening, cosmic descent, and the ulimate surrender — a story of initiation and union with the Divine Mother. This is not framed as metaphor, but as transmission: an invitation to readers to trust their own inner openings, to experience the feminine as alive and ever-present. My narrative moves through stages of fire, darkness, and light, weaving together cosmic symbolism, embodied sensation, and spiritual surrender, inviting us to question where “I” ends and “she” begins.
At this time I was experiencing with chalk drawings
Note*
I entered Samedhi meditation after many decades of vegetarianism, celibacy, coupled with ongoing stress and a relentless commitment to know absolute truth.
My Kundalini Awakening
It was after my Kundalini experience but I feel it is necessary to write about this experience as it is happening to everyone on the planet in a variety of ways and The Great Mother is the one initiates it. Kundalini is Sanskrit for coiled snake, a term for the great power that lies dormant in the earth and in the human body. This power is activated by great power combined with great focus which makes it easy for the Divine force to move through you. It is the crowning achievement in our development at this level of being (on the planet) and once it is achieved there is no rebirth. You have mastered your galactic body and will move into mastering your own universal body until you eventually die back to being one with the great mother (the one who birthed you into being).
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, November 2009 – In deep Samedhi meditation I harnessed the Kundalini force in 2009 through focus garnering all my power to my center. I did not know what it was. I only knew to stay still and focus. Once it was activated, it knew exactly what to do…
The Mother Force Enters
The goddess force operates the releasing of the Kundalini, the great snakes that wire your mind body together. It first appears to you in your mind’s eye. You can see it about 4 inches below your groin as a blood red cube. This cube opens from the centre of the cube then the hissing begins with a red river of energy pouring out and upwards to the body. The hissing noise is very loud and pronounced – almost deafening – during the entire time of the uniting of the body centres to the mind. the sound of a hissing rattlesnake filled the room, like at a concert, it was very tribal. Very ancient.
...streams of energy “snake” up the sides of the body
Once out of the red cube it forms two red rivers that turn to grey just before they enter the body. Then it glided through my body like two large metal snakes eventually moving up each side uniting their headless forms in the centre of the body. then starting again at the side to eventually form a ladder that energy flows upwards on. It’s movement is similar to two huge hissing snakes (large snakes) made of metal, gliding up the body and uniting in each centre where it created a fusing with its opposite. In the mind’s eye you see the snakes moving as liquid metal, glides like snakes up the sides of the body then a 90 degree turn towards the centre to merge. It repeats itself 3 times – 4 in total to unite the body mind.
Fire, Heart and Opening
The snaking force (the kundalini/ Goddess force) do not cross over the body, the two streams of energy “snake” up the sides of the body, turn to flow across the body and clank together – making a metal clanking sound – in the centre fusing like two metal poles. The river is always about two inches in diameter and remaining the same diameter during the whole experience. this diameter is formed by the force of the individual. After they joined in the centre, the snaking begins again on the side of body to join in the centre once again. This repeats itself all the way up the body and just before the 4th bar is united the body bursts into flame if the power is extreme.
The fire is the heart level – it is mind body unity at at different, more powerful level of being. This is the boundary of the mother’s land but the energetic flow continues over the bridge of the throat and up through the brow.
...Like a small, white bird
I found my entire body engulfed in a raging fire – huge, flickering flames. But the fire was not hot – but cool, and a bright white light bore down on me and circled the crown of my head repeatedly forming a white gold halo around my skull. This circling went on for quite some time while my body burned. The thing moving around my head forming the white ring appeared to be a small, white bird, like a dove whose swift, firm wings flapped continually as it rotated around my skull forming a cool breeze (yet it was not a bird). Feeling like a bird, yet different from a bird, as it’s wings moved differently – one wing was up when the other was down – so precise. the elegance of a dove body shape but without a head. My inner guide told me to stay very still until the fire died out.
...my chest was being torn open while my heart strained to free itself
Suddenly, my heart space was filled with immense pain – more painful than giving birth – like my chest was being ripped open while my heart strained to free itself from the bondage of flesh to return to its owner – the divine mother principle, the creatrix, the great power. My heart desperately tried to rip itself from my chest to flow back to her. My focus united with the father while my heart untie with the other the mother and I was tied to the two of them being torn. The massive pain of holding onto these two forces was sustained by the deep, compassionate love. My body was in agony from the strain on my heart which was on the verge of exploding, and the weight on my pineal gland (head) was like balancing infinity mac trucks on my head. The weight was unbearable.
Union with the Light
I continued on in meditation and connected to the father force, the creator source, entering a downpour of powerful yellow golden light. It felt massive and with incredible strength, nobility, and a magnitude of intense, immeasurable love – it was so overwhelming as my heart painfully overflowed while my mind stayed connected to the stream of force. This stream of force was coming from the centre of my forehead, and was connected to a huge, powerful, white light in the distance – all the while I was in incredible pain while deeply immersed in loving compassion. The breadth of this light I was connected to was a force so immense and mighty that the size of the sun would hardly equate to a particle within its body. I merged with this body of light and my soul arrived at that distant destination. Everything was sparkling gold.
...incredible pain while deeply immersed in loving compassion
The feeling was like walking through a golden castle doorway of a grand golden cathedral full of noble kings and I was consumed by the weight of their strength, their intelligence, their nobility and their depth of compassion. They turned around joyfully surprised to see me, welcoming me with a strong, elated vibration of joyous love which flowed through my being. It felt like a home-coming – like happily surprising a father by returning home. I felt so loved, so well received and so treasured. Their bright yellow vibrational bodies glowed in gold all forming a bright collective.
Descent through the Spiral
Unable to withstand this vibrational height, the immense pressure on my forehead and heart, I felt myself wavering and then fell backwards to spiral all the way downwards through the cosmos on a spiralling ladder of white light which ended with a great thud into a deep, black void of darkness. A two-inch radius of white light (the same diameter of the uniting snakes in my body) fountained from my forehead, creating a streaming hose of light which ended far-off in the distant cosmos.
...through the cosmos on a spiralling ladder
This golden ladder was what my spirit had vibrationally climbed up on to connect to the creative source. As I spiralled down, I witnessed every life I had ever lived, from human down to an insect, down to nothing but a seed of consciousness planted in the darkness. I witnessed these lives not as an observer, but by being in that body and experiencing the thoughts of that entity at the time as I passed downward through that level of being as them on the great spiral. After each of these experiences I circled backwards in the spiral to find myself again in a new body…over and over again all the way down to a seed of consciousness in a black void.
I went back to Canada and continued to meditate. The old life was beginning again, as my mind was coming down from my previous, intense experiences. My upper jaw ached with misalignment and had become very tense trying to align my energy to connect felt like it was going to crack due to the great pressure of trying to realign my mind once again. Flood gates of undirected energy everywhere.
She Reveals Herself
My mind was fully exhausted and weak from continuously intense meditation. I laid awake on my bed one afternoon when i suddenly found my body completely paralyzed. I couldn’t move at all, I was frozen and felt myself being pulled backwards and downward into a very dark abyss. I tried to fight the pull, but it was useless. Unlike meditation, where I controlled my mind, here I was completely at the mercy of whatever was pulling me. I was forced to surrender and arrived in dark space, unable to control my body or mind and a knowing began to spread through my being and the fear died out. Here I was invaded by complete trust and the totality of truth. This was the Divine Mother of all. I was with her, in complete darkness, and that darkness was rich, full and fertile. I felt so safe, so contained and so protected by ‘Mother’ – which came as a feeling of knowing.
...being pulled backwards and downward into a dark abyss
I was forced or rather bent into a kneeling position before her, I had no muscle, bone or thought. She penetrated all of me without effort. It was automatic. I belonged to her. I was so humbled and honoured by her vast loving presence. I trusted her completely. Yet I could see nothing, then, like a dark carpet, the universal dark space rose before me. And She softly became visible in the darkness, unfolding like a black manta ray into what appeared to be a large black shrouded cloak, with no face and no body. a dark hooded figure formed by all things at all levels of being. There were many in Her darkness and their consciousness gathered together to produce the image I was witnessing.
Left: The Goddess as She revealed herself to me.
...I was with her, in complete darkness, and that darkness was rich, full and fertile
She was alive and her essence made up of all things. She is far beyond our ideas of power or of right and wrong. She is the all and the previous merge with massive bright light did not equate to even a cell within her great universal being. I knelt in front of her with a blank mind – no thought whatsoever. I just was. Knowing is so different from thinking. I knew everything but thought nothing. Space was her. She was space. She was all things. She carried all the power in the universe like a humble, loving and gracious monarch.
Her receptive force is the unfathomable strength behind the cosmos, in fact, she is the cosmos. Feminine, yet neither woman nor man, her motions were smooth, gentile and elegant – nothing angular, rough, fast or aggressive about her. She was divine yet her immense force was so gentle – like that of a fair maiden.
"She" is the totality of all things
She is the totality of all things. She is the Creatrix that the father force created through; she was the one who graciously allowed the play of life to happen. I knew myself as her, without separation. She had absolute power which she wielded with compassionate love. She is the universal collective acting as one and I felt the weight of her being roll through the cosmos like leagues of heavy, deep thunder yet light as a feather.
She was the one who knew me. She controlled my body and my mind. She was my mother. There was no thinking at this time but a knowing. I knew what I had to do. I knew why I was here, and that this meeting had been inevitable. I served her only, and no one else. She was the big decision maker that the father, who is the great dancer, answers to.
The Return
She produced a halo in midair and guided it to the place just above my head. It was a golden halo that surrounded my crown. I was in a state of absolute servitude, and without emotion. All was perfunctory.
She released me from my kneeling position and gently placed me into an upright position without touching me and moving me into what I can only describe now as an invisible chair. A very, very heavy chair which felt like the strongest iron. It gently secured me around the waist and moved me swiftly upwards – like a circular ski lift moving like liquid. I felt so incredibly safe within this chair. She controlled my movements without moving. Her mind controlled all, so smooth and stable it was.
absolute servitude, and without emotion
The chair spiralled in large, fast, elliptical orbits as it moved up beyond the solar system careening higher until I looked down at the planets. I knew exactly where I was going, home to what felt like a castle in the sky – a large, strong and noble place full of justice and goodwill. returning from duty to my master’s house where I humbly resided. In the next moment I found myself back into my bed – fully awake – just as I was when I left this reality.
Reflection
Reading this account, I felt both calm and unsettled — calm by the luminosity of the experience, unsettled by the sheer vulnerability and intensity of the descent. It prompts me to ask: where in my own life have I met the threshold of surrender? What does it mean to kneel — not in submission, but in openness — before something larger than the self? This text becomes a mirror: it reflects not just a “goddess out there,” but the possibility of deeper communion within, where inner boundaries can soften, the heart can ignite, and the self might expand beyond its familiar contours.
This experience continues to inform my research into sacred architecture, embodiment, and media-based ritual forms.
Left: “2010 The Christos” painted after the experience
