A Lifetime with the Goddess
This is the story behind the art, the connecting with the divine feminine and the budding of my life experiences with the goddess who shaped its vision. If you’ve explored this site, you’ve seen my values, and the work I’m creating which all flowed originally from a subtle tugging feeling within me that built momentum over the years. The soil beneath this trajectory I’ve been on, my own personal path, was tempered first by huge loss, healing, learning and then deep intuitive listening. Below describes how the Divine feminine, the Goddess, began to subtly inform me of her presence — the beginning of the revealing of Her roots beneath my path, stretching me, challenging me and creating what you see today.
How it Began...
My relationship to The Goddess began in my late twenties. After many years of travel, I felt empty and longed for fullness and then it began…In 1996, after returning from Europe to California, I became pregnant. We moved to Malaysia during this time and as I my body grew I burst into a whole new awareness that propelled me into a world of feeling. The scents in the city were rapturous – both the good and the bad. Near the end of my third term we made our way back to California where I was overcome by an overwhelming urge to paint. I began painting the entire house – walls, concrete and twenty-foot ceilings. My neighbour eventually came over with paints and a canvas and this was the beginning of my fall into the vast unknown within.
left – 2005 the goddess as negative space
She first revealed Herself through Art...
I was born an artist and won the art award every year in school, created gifts for friends, and immersed myself in all types of creation and so the idea of painting seemed simple. I began by painting many things, but the process and their images all left me feeling awkward and wrong. It wasn’t until I went with deep intuitive feeling that I painted a very large, naked female body. Somehow this felt right and I was satiated. When I tried to paint other things, the feeling of wrongness resurfaced until I returned to painting this naked female figure. I continued on this path for very need to feel somehow atoned. Right from the beginning painting felt good. From painting furniture, to houses to eventually canvases – it was a natural transgression and something I enjoyed making time for.
Finally I painted a very large, naked female body. Somehow this felt right...
Over the years, as my daughter grew, I continued painting The Goddess. Lotus flowers became a central theme as they represent the growth of the individual. The colours of the lotus represent certain aspects of our being – whichever aspect is dominant at the moment. There is a mystery to the lotus, where botanists cannot locate where the root system begins or where it is going but the flowers that emerge on the face of the pond are beautiful and elegant. The Goddess is the root system guiding each of us to our bloom.
I moved around quite a bit in my 30’s and 40’s eventually landing back in California where I became re-involved in the community. I began taking lessons at Losina Fine Arts Academy and months later the owner presented me with Marija Gimbutas’s book, The Language of the Goddess. On opening this book I knew immediately that this was Her – the woman I was painting over and over again. The feeling that I had while reading these pages was a truth so strong it could not be ignored. This was Her – in her many shapes and sizes. This was the essence of her central force.
Her Essence represents the mysterious life-providing force within all things. Her soft essence is harmony-bound moving us towards authenticity in all aspects of our life
She wasn’t just outside of me, she was inside of me. She was intuition, when the mind did not know, she navigated me through the tunnel by the way of feeling. She was the saving grace when things got tough. She took over painful or confusing situations when I could not ‘see’. She was the invisible driver propelling me forward through the trying times of being a parent, being a person, or just being in this world.
When the mind shut down she was the one who took over. She was the one who directed through the centre, that soft knowing that leads you to what is needed.
She is the Universe & All Things Flow From Her
Over time all my goddesses eventually became headless. If I painted a perfectly shaped head on “her” a feeling of dis-regulation would surface. As soon as the head was off, I felt right again.It wasn’t until years later, after many headless goddesses that I realized her head was “cut off” because she had no ego. This was the compassionate mother who treated all the same.
All things come from her. The fabric of her being is the material that makes all things are fashioned from, therefore her essence exists within all. She is every direction, she is the one who grants access to anything. She is the feeling that says yes and no within you as she knows you so well.
She is Archaic, Primordial, Very Much Alive, and the First Mother Ever...
This was the beginning of a life-long journey into the loving great “woman” which is not really female or male but LIKE a mother who controlls all things in the universe through receptivity. Years later in meditation I would discover that She is the universe thus making her the controller of all things. That she resided outside and inside all things gently motivating them through their centre into expansion, birth then death and on repeat…all the way down to (and past) the cell. She soothes, she directs, she nourishes, she softly controls through her love.
A Cosmic GPS!
One of my early videos on the cosmology of the Spirit of the Divine Essence. “She” is the in the centre of every drop of water forming an magnificent ocean of receptivity.